Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Living with Jagged Edges

Last week I was feeling really cruddy and writing to my sister, Jane, made a huge difference. Well, I’m feeling cruddy again, so I’m taking the best action I know: writing again.

Many of you know that our family has been just hanging onto a jagged edge financially for a very long time—though I know others who have suffered longer. During this time, it’s been an ongoing battle to figure out what it means to endure faithfully, without whining. Sometimes that means screaming and letting out all the pent up frustration and anxiety. And it also means you have to stop screaming and move on. . . . But at least for the Pioneers there was a clear goal (right?). Will someone, please, tell me what my goal is and where I am going with all of this crazy financial and emotional adventure? (BTW, that’s a rhetorical question.)

. . . . Um, I think this is where I’m supposed to talk about how much I’m learning and triumphing over the challenges God has given me by seeking for His peace in my life. Well, I won’t. Tonight I’m just tired. I haven’t really conquered anything except that I survived. I did at least think about having more faith and charity in my heart. And that was a good thing. But today, for better or for worse, my focus was just hanging onto my jagged edge.

And for all of you out there just hanging on to your jagged edges, I’ll shed a tear or two (really, I did). Not in the way of recruiting others to my pity party, but so you know that you’re not alone if today, having faith meant just, as peacefully as possible, hanging on, jagged edge or not.

(So, am I feeling better now? . . . maybe . . . I’m too busy just hanging on to admit any such improvement. ;] )


Celeste B. said...

I completely understand. After my husband was laid-off we spiraled down, down, down...hitting rock bottom with loosing our home, selling off a lot of our belongings to pay the rent, and me working at odd things here and there while trying to hang on to homeschooling. It was hard to loose so many things that we worked so hard to achieve...career advancement, a home, some savings, a 401k plan, etc.

The word "stressful" just doesn't seem to encompass what it is like.

Many are in the same boat. For us, we had to move in order to START getting on our feet again. My dear husband took a job working 70 hours a week that he hates just to keep us somewhat afloat. I'm thankful that he found something...even though we keep praying for better.

You are in my prayers. It is painful, but somehow I guess we'll make it through.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your thoughts, Celeste. You are right. While I believe many challenges are similar, each one has its own feel that is unlike any other. My heart goes out to your husband. Doing something just to survive is tough.

Ranee said...

Right there with ya', girls! :D) We have had to make some hard changes, financially, so we could survive too! What has been really hard for me, is the changes that I can't do much about. Thank heaven for prayer, or I just might feel useless in our struggles! LOL :D) I can pray! That's one thing I can do! :) I just keep trying to find the lesson (or lessons) in it all! :D) My motto these days? Keep on keepin' on! :)