Last week I was feeling really cruddy and writing to my sister, Jane, made a huge difference. Well, I’m feeling cruddy again, so I’m taking the best action I know: writing again.
Many of you know that our family has been just hanging onto a jagged edge financially for a very long time—though I know others who have suffered longer. During this time, it’s been an ongoing battle to figure out what it means to endure faithfully, without whining. Sometimes that means screaming and letting out all the pent up frustration and anxiety. And it also means you have to stop screaming and move on. . . . But at least for the Pioneers there was a clear goal (right?). Will someone, please, tell me what my goal is and where I am going with all of this crazy financial and emotional adventure? (BTW, that’s a rhetorical question.)
. . . . Um, I think this is where I’m supposed to talk about how much I’m learning and triumphing over the challenges God has given me by seeking for His peace in my life. Well, I won’t. Tonight I’m just tired. I haven’t really conquered anything except that I survived. I did at least think about having more faith and charity in my heart. And that was a good thing. But today, for better or for worse, my focus was just hanging onto my jagged edge.
And for all of you out there just hanging on to your jagged edges, I’ll shed a tear or two (really, I did). Not in the way of recruiting others to my pity party, but so you know that you’re not alone if today, having faith meant just, as peacefully as possible, hanging on, jagged edge or not.
(So, am I feeling better now? . . . maybe . . . I’m too busy just hanging on to admit any such improvement. ;] )
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