Friday, January 6, 2012

听不懂 Tīng bù dǒng


Today I’m celebrating our upcoming 5 month anniversary of living in China with a proclamation:

听不懂 Tīng bù dǒng.

Literally this means, “I hear, but I don’t understand.”

A dear friend and fellow expatriate taught me this phrase within a few days of our arrival here in Shanghai. It’s the proper way to let people know that you don’t have the slightest clue what they’re saying. But it’s not just for expats. I’ve heard my Chinese English students say it to me in class. It’s cute, really, to hear them say it, but then, I love my English students. I’ve also heard adults say it to people who are trying to talk to me in Chinese. And sometimes someone will say it to me when they realize I have no idea what they’re trying to tell me. It’s not so cute then, and not just because I feel it WAY too much myself to enjoy hearing someone tell me that I don’t understand. Mostly it’s not cute because of how prevalent the 听不懂 Tīng bù dǒng attitude is here for the Chinese themselves.

One prime example of this attitude is that no one uses their rear view mirrors here. If they can’t see you, you don’t exist and you’d better stay out of their way. A recent example of 听不懂 Tīng bù dǒng happened just this afternoon when a group of security guards and office management people (including one who I know speaks tolerable English) talking in front of my home refused to come ask me (sitting at the window looking at them) why someone (sitting in the car and whom they also refused to speak with) was leaving with a whole bunch of stuff from my home. No. They had to call our Realtor, who then called Rob. It was a simple answer of course, that our friends had just been storing a few things at our home in the process of moving from Mongolia to Nanjing. But all they could see was what they didn’t understand.

Rob and I are also really disappointed with many of the Expats who live here and walk around with a similar attitude, only their circle of who they connect with is even smaller than it is for the Chinese. We rarely speak to any Expats outside of our Church and home school family because of this.

You know, there really is something grand about living abroad where the language and culture and daily habits are so foreign from one’s native country. Here in China I am surrounded by writing and meaning I don’t even partially understand. I think often of how great it is to have this chance to stretch my world, and that of my family, in such a way that it is bigger than we ever comprehended before. The opportunity to love a people so separated from the Truths we know and yet still so rich with their own is truly awe inspiring. And yet there’s also something so oppressive about living abroad where the language and culture and so much of the meaning I’m surrounded by are simply indecipherable. Nothing wears on you like the ever present, and sometimes so completely unavoidable, message that you don’t understand. My sanity recently has come from using the energy from that frustration to push back and reject those who hear me but don’t understand and push forward to follow and protect the treasures and cares of my heart.

So, after 5 months, how do I like living in China? Do I have any regrets about moving here?

No regrets. We have connected with some fabulous people and experiences and opportunities here. No, we don’t love living here, for a variety of reasons. There are things we really hate about this whole adventure. But I’m learning to just prayerfully say,

听不懂 Tīng bù dǒng.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas Sacrament Meeting talk


OK, here's the talk I gave today. I was last after our Christmas program. I didn't have much time. I skipped everything before the **** about about 1/4 of the rest of it, skipping here and there. I'm really happy with how it went, though I have to admit I was a little annoyed at how little time I had even though the program was really nice. It was an interesting experience because of that; that's for sure.

Shanghai, China International Branch

Some of you may remember my husband, Robert Beckstrand, who spoke a few weeks ago. But just to review, we have 6 children ages 13 to 3, and we recently moved here from Mesa, AZ. Rob came in June and the rest of us came in August. Rob is from Nevada, and I'm from Phoenix, AZ. Rob served his mission in Japan with Sis Takeshige, and I served my mission in Argentina. Neither of us speaks Chinese, but we're getting along here pretty well so far, in part, due to the kindness of so many of you, particularly our neighbors the Lambs, the Lee’s and the Tao’s. Our family, like many of yours, has learned about working extra hard here just to meet our basic needs. One of my favorite things about the Savior is the opportunities he has offered us to work extra hard for an understanding of even the basic meaning behind His life, teachings, and atoning sacrifice.

The third chapter of the Gospel of John tells us about a Pharisee named Nicodemus. Nicodemus has seen something Good in the Savior that he wants to understand better so he comes to the Savior and asks: “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.” The Savior’s response shows how anxious the Savior is for others to feel a nearness with God like himself, but how does He help Nicodemus do that? By giving him a puzzle, a puzzle that only makes sense when you take it out of the customary context that society has established as acceptable.
3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
 4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?
 5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
 6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

Why does the Savior give Nicodemus a puzzle to solve here? Furthermore, how can any of us, with all the trappings of mortality, understand that knowledge that is important for us to grow spiritually and have the companionship of our Father in Heaven? The Savior said,
 7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.
 8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

First off, we shouldn’t be surprised or bewildered about the mystery of the Spirit and those things not of this world. No matter who we are, we need to receive and believe the witness of others so that we can understand the Savior and the Salvation He offers us.

 9 Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?
 10 Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?
 11 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen; and ye receive not our witness.
 12 If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?
 13 And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.
 14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
 15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
**** 
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Nicodemus must have understood Him at least a little because he later defends the Savior to the Pharisees and also brings spices to his burial. That last verse, however, has been on my mind a lot in preparation for this Christmas Sacrament talk. God loves the world, and He really wants us to have everlasting life with Him. So He sent His Son to be the Savior of the world. But He didn’t just give us a Savior. He gave us the puzzle of the birth of His Son. As I was chatting with some friends about this talk, one of them said, jokingly, “be sure and tell the part about Santa bringing his reindeer to the manger scene...most people would be perplexed if that was left out...” Today our challenge of finding our Savior in the midst of the materialism and other misleading traditions surrounding this holiday is no less challenging than it was for the Jews who were searching for their Messiah, their deliverer, who came in the form of a baby that depended entirely on others for even the most basic needs. And not only did He come as a baby but He was also conceived in a socially unacceptable way to a Very poor family in tumultuous times.

Mary is a great example of someone for whom the Savior’s birth was a puzzle. In Luke we read:
26 And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
27 To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary.
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.
32 He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
33 And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.
34 Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?
35 And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.
. . .

38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her. (Luke 1:26-38)


And what does she learn by submitting to the Lord and receiving that witness? What does the puzzle look like when she has a chance to figure things out a little?

Talking to her cousin Elizabeth who is also big and uncomfortable with her own puzzle, Mary speaks aloud the thoughts of her heart:
46 . . . My soul doth magnify the Lord,
47 And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
48 For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
49 For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
50 And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation. (Luke 1: 38-50)

For the Jews as a nation, however, this puzzle became an ongoing struggle for them. According to the Bible Dictionary, “many Jews . . . were looking only for a deliverer from the Roman power and for greater national prosperity; so when the Messiah came, the nation as a whole rejected him. Only the faithful were able to see in Jesus of Nazareth the true Suffering Servant of Isa. 53, as well as the true Prophet, Priest, and King of Israel.”

What did God send us when He sent His Son? He sent the world an opportunity not only to worship His Son but also an opportunity to serve a helpless Baby born to a family with very little worldly goods, social status or even societal acceptance.

In a talk by Elder Holland entitled, “Maybe Christmas Doesn’t Come From A Store” he says, “One impression which has persisted with me recently is that this is a story—in profound paradox with our own times—that this is a story of intense poverty. I wonder if Luke did not have some special meaning when he wrote not “there was no room in the inn” but specifically that “there was no room for them in the inn.” (Luke 2:7; italics added.) We cannot be certain, but it is my guess that money could talk in those days as well as in our own. I think if Joseph and Mary had been people of influence or means, they would have found lodging even at that busy time of year. I have wondered if the Inspired Version also was suggesting they did not know the “right people” in saying, “There was none to give room for them in the inns.” (JST, Luke 2:7.)

“Furthermore, “I wonder what emotions Joseph might have had as he cleared away the dung and debris. I wonder if he felt the sting of tears as he hurriedly tried to find the cleanest straw and hold the animals back. I wonder if he wondered: “Could there be a more unhealthy, a more disease-ridden, a more despicable circumstance in which a child could be born? Is this a place fit for a king? Should the mother of the Son of God be asked to enter the valley of the shadow of death in such a foul and unfamiliar place as this? Is it wrong to wish her some comfort? Is it right He should be born here?”

“At this focal point of all human history, a point illuminated by a new star in the heavens revealed for just such a purpose, probably no other mortal watched—none but a poor young carpenter, a beautiful virgin mother, and silent stabled animals who had not the power to utter the sacredness they had seen. Shepherds would soon arrive and later, wise men from the East. Later yet the memory of that night would bring Santa Claus and Frosty and Rudolph—and all would be welcome. But first and forever there was just a little family, without toys or trees or tinsel. With a baby—that’s how Christmas began.”

What can we do to solve this puzzle of our Savior’s birth in our own hearts? Share the joy of His love, worship him in our hearts and our actions, and serve Others just as the shepherds did, and the wise men, and Mary and Joseph, along with untold others.

In 3 Nephi the Savior says:  “Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world.  Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen me do.  Behold ye see that I have prayed unto the Father, and ye all have witnessed.
  And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see.“ (3 Nephi 18: 24-25)

The shepherds and the wise men all were true to the light and understanding of the Savior’s birth and they came and felt and saw the joy of that great event.

The Gospels don’t include a record of the kind souls that might have helped this Holy family in the midst of their intense poverty. But I suspect that there were many who served the Savior and His family just as He later describes when talking of the final judgment. In Mathew 25:31-40 He says:
31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:
32  And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:
33  And he shall set the sheep on his aright hand, but the goats on the left.
34  Then shall the King say unto them on his aright hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35  For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36  Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37  Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee?  or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38  When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in?  or naked, and clothed thee?
39  Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40  And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

In these verses we learn that we should serve the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, and the imprisoned. From the story of the Savior’s birth we learn that we should also serve the helpless, the impoverished, and even those who have been rejected by the world.

God does a lot of things in puzzles that don’t make sense to the world. The birth of His Son is a wonderful puzzle that continues to challenge His children in every society and every culture. The challenges of understanding the way the Lord works are real. But that’s the point. So is the challenge of fitting ourselves for the kingdom of God. The challenges are is real and very personal. And when we overcome these challenges and solve these puzzles for ourselves, we qualify ourselves for the everlasting life that the Savior’s Mercy made possible. I testify that . . . In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Merry Christmas all!!!
~vbb

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Finding

Yesterday morning when I found the courage to tell Rob to turn on the light as he left the bedroom so that I could read my Kindle PDF edition of the LDS General Conference report, I found this quote by Elder L. Tom Perry in his talk, Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear.
If you will respond to the invitation to share your beliefs and feelings about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, a spirit of love and a spirit of courage will be your constant companion.
The Spirit then helped me find a connection between my beliefs and feelings about the Truths of the Restored Gospel and my beliefs and feelings about Learning.

For almost two months now I have been pondering the idea of Learner Driven Education. Yesterday I found a free afternoon. The computer was free from kids doing distance studies. My emotions were free from whatever random hang ups and busyness. And I finally found the courage to start it! (It's a blog.) I hope to keep up enough worth while posts there that people find it a great resource. I have lots of ideas in my head, but regularly finding time and emotional space is going to be the clincher.

So now, hopefully you find my site as well! I’d love to hear what you think! And I hope you find it worth your while to check back often!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ongoing Floods


I just want to reiterate how invasive and insidious this flood of guilt is for me. However, I’m grateful for Truth, where ever I find it, that helps me avoid this flood of guilt. And I’m grateful for friends who share their joys, and the blessings that help them overcome their challenges.

Yesterday I had a wonderful time sharing The Life of Abraham Lincoln by Henry Ketcham with two dear friends from church. We had a lovely discussion, but we also spent time sharing our experiences here in Shanghai, China. I love how, during this time just sharing with no burdensome agenda and no kids around, we can lift each other’s burdens without even trying to.

And yet, even in this safe environment, I almost got caught in a Flood of guilt again. We were discussing our preparations for the coming COLD here in Shanghai, and I found myself feeling guilty that I wasn’t working harder to prepare in the same way that my friends were. In the past this would have put cracks in my foundation. This time I caught myself, and it only scuffed my cement walls a bit (there is no dry wall in our home here in China, only cold loving cement).

I think that some of the guilt so many of us feel is an expectation from society that we should, indeed we must, avoid anything remotely not up to a certain standard, be it a standard of safety, of looks, or otherwise. My dear friend shared this song in a comment to another post below, and I wanted to share it here. As I’ve said in a previous post, our goal isn’t any earthly standard. The goal is to follow and be close to our Savior. This song beautifully reiterates that goal.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Rain, Floods, and a Deliverance


It was raining this morning, raining a deluge of burdens upon my mind and heart and threatening a flood to wash away my proverbial home from its foundation. Large or small, the size of flood is irrelevant. The reality of emotional burdens is real and paralyzing in any size. Some of these I have referred to in other posts both recent and not. Today the burden focused largely on what our family lacked materially. In the past I have resisted praying for humility or a freedom from desiring treasures on Earth rather than treasures in Heaven or gratitude. Did I then over look the real source of my troubles?


In Sunday School we discussed 1st and 2nd Peter, and in this verse God spoke to me. “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7).

Also in my heart, sits this thought from Ketcham's biography of Lincoln. "It can hardly be doubted that his mother's instruction was of more worth than all these put together. A woman who, under such limitations, had energy enough to teach her husband to read and write, was a rare character, and her influence could not be other than invaluable to the bright boy."


And once again, deliverance from a debilitating burden that poured down upon my head and threatened flooding.


Yeah for humility! Yeah for overcoming the lure of earthly riches! . . . Or was I just being ungrateful that such a burden weighed down so heavily upon me?


Maybe. But the message I heard in 1 Peter 1:7 wasn’t that I shouldn’t seek for earthly treasures. And the lesson I learned from Abraham Lincoln’s mother wasn’t that I should be humble in my trials. The message I heard, and once again and the message that gave me insight in order to truly understand and find liberating peace was that I didn’t have to seek earthly treasures. Furthermore, I didn’t need to feel guilty about it.


Life is hard in many ways for us right now, and the only riches I really need to be seeking are the ones from God. For that, I am truly grateful.

God bless each of you in your quests to overcome the Natural Man, and as you do,

may He


deliver you 

with Truth.

Monday, October 31, 2011

TRUMPED!

Life is slowly starting to feel a little normal and even a little doable here. We’re getting good at shopping, and piece by piece we’re making this house a home. However, sometimes the longing for stuff I left behind or other bits of home becomes a tangible and overwhelming ache.

On Sunday we had Branch Conference, and the District President, President Dyre gave the lesson. He started the class with a question, “Where is your home?” and followed up with “Where is your heart?” I didn’t dare answer because my heart immediately went to a storage unit in Cedar City, Utah. It certainly wasn’t at unit 88 of Ansheng Gardens in Shanghai, China, even though I spend a lot of time with my children there and even some time with my husband there. Through the course of the discussion, Pres. Dyre made the point that our home and our heart should be with our husbands. THAT I liked. THAT was something my heart could latch on to. THAT was something that could trump that ache in my heart for everything we’ve left behind.

Prayer answered, peace found, goal given.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Remembering, then Realigning

He taught them to keep the commandments of God, that they might rejoice and be filled with love towards God and all men Mosiah 2 : 4

And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God.  For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual Mosiah 2:41

Could I really ‘rejoice and be filled with love towards God and all men’? Where is that ‘happy state’ when all I feel is a deep and incredible emotional ache not unlike and partly due to intense physical exhaustion brought on by a multitude of stresses? I had sought earnestly to keep the commandments. Why was my heart so empty? How could I fulfill my duties as a mother and a daughter of God when such a great pain in my heart swamped me at every turn? Knowing that the Lord loved me and wanted to help me with the pain, I pleaded for understanding. Then I remembered Paul.

Paul tells us that “Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law” (Galations 3:13). What is the curse of the law? Certainly “all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Additionally, however, the law only has “a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image” and can never make us perfect (Hebrews 10:1). Reading that “Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth” and that “love is the fulfilling of the law”, finally brought me peace (Romans 10:4 & 13:10).

My painful sense of quiet desperation had come on so subtly that I didn’t even understand what it was or where it was coming from until I sought for the peace promised me. Then, as I followed the Lord’s inspirations, I learned not only the solution to my pain, but also the source of that pain. The Law was all of the things I wanted to do, things that I wanted to do because of my desire to keep His commandments and serve His children. Christ and His love are the solutions to the curse of that law, and this Real Goal of seeking these gives us the ‘very image’ of things to come, despite and along with the realities of our daily challenges.

I’ve felt the peace confirming the truth of this personal inspiration and guidance. NOW I need to take stock of how my life and goals are aligned and then alter them accordingly. . . . Maybe sometime when I’m not quite so tired? (Kids, watch out for the lightening! It should be striking the house any minute. :} )